FLASH: in the midst of the crisis, Obama and McCain to marry

WASHINGTON, September 25, 2008 (Reuters)

In a move that has rocked the Capitol, senators and rivals John McCain and Barack Obama, the respective Republican and Democratic nominees for the presidency, joined hands in front of a stunned press corps and publicly declared their intention to marry.

"With age comes experience," said Obama, looking slyly at McCain. "And there's no substitute for that."

"Once you go black, you never--" boomed McCain before an aide managed to shush him. "I mean, I've always preferred lovers who were more cerebral. There's no denying it: Barack completes me."

"We've made a pact that, no matter which of us wins, we're getting married on January 21, the day after the inauguration," said Obama.

Pundits were quick to respond to this new development.

"The Audacity of Grope!" was the headline of a bitter post that appeared at the liberal blog Daily Kos. The post decried Obama's "unforgivable betrayal of his own party."

"Hmm," wrote Glenn Reynolds of the moderate-right blog Instapundit, who then updated his post ten minutes later with "Heh."

"It was about damn time," said an obviously moved former President Bill Clinton. "These guys could usher in a new era of true bipartisanship."

Despite reporters' best efforts, neither Cindy McCain nor Michelle Obama could be persuaded to comment on the situation.

"Bang on this door all you want! We've got nothing to say!" shouted an obviously inebriated Mrs. McCain from the utility closet in which she and Mrs. Obama had locked themselves.

"Apodictic cockroaches, tennis ball fur, rib cage battering rams, and gopher-shaped soul batteries!" screamed an equally distraught Mrs. Obama.

After these exclamations, the ladies fell silent. Reporters next to the utility closet claim to have smelled the distinct odor of Schlitz and marijuana.

How this new revelation will affect the outcomes of both the current financial crisis and the presidential election remains to be seen, but many are hopeful that President Clinton's prediction of a new era of bipartisanship will come true.


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