Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I do believe they had a cell phone jammer in the school gym!

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Posted by Kevin Kim at 11:17 AM

7 comments:

Jelly said...

Free stuff for voting!
http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/91991/
But, you don't like coffee, do you? A nice scoop of Ben & Jerry's would be nummy though.

November 4, 2008 at 3:18 PM
Anonymous said...

The REAL election on which the whole world is waiting with baited breath is the one on Saturday!!

I haven't heard a word from you about the NEW ZEALAND elections!!

:) John

November 4, 2008 at 6:13 PM
Kevin Kim said...

John,

Ah, yes, thanks for reminding me!

Once Barack Obama is crowned God-emperor and Supreme Hegemon of the American Dominon, we will immediately move to crush New Zealand, whose only contributions to global culture are flightless birds, annoying pop music, weird fruit, and Peter Jackson's buttock fat. Not much of a contribution, if you ask me.

Once the Kiwis have been properly subjugated, America will cover the islands with nuclear reactors. The surviving New Zealanders will be distracted from their debasement by Obama's legalization of sheep-humping, which ought to be a relief to the farmers who've been keeping the old traditions alive behind closed doors.

Because we in the United States have long despised New Zealand's mountains, Obama will bomb them flat by dropping truckloads of fat Americans on them, thereby solving the US obesity problem even as it rids the world of a geological nuisance.

Filming for "The Hobbit" will, by Obamanian mandate, be moved to Kenya.

So as you can see, I'm not really too concerned about elections that, after January 20 next year (the date of Obama's coronation), won't mean a thing. New Zealand is doomed. Let the Kiwis party, for their time is short.


Kevin

November 4, 2008 at 8:31 PM
Kevin Kim said...

John,

On a more serious note: how does Enn-Zed feel after three parliamentary terms under Labour? Are the people ready for a fourth term? Do they feel the country has generally prospered during their watch, or is it time to go National?

I know next to nothing about Kiwi politics, so this is your chance to fill me in, either here or via email.


Kevin

November 4, 2008 at 10:38 PM
Anonymous said...

So you Americans think that you can seize the moment and make a change? Fools! – Your handsome new president will have his first crisis to contend with – and this crisis will be insurmountable.
What is this crisis you may ask.
Here is your answer … The New Zealand invasion of America!!
We have been preparing much like the aliens in War of the Worlds. WE have been waiting and watching and now we cannot fail! We have 4.5 million hardened troops (if you count my mum all other militaryish people) waiting to strike. Above all we have nearly 60 million battlesheep waiting to be let loose.
Here is how the plan will unfold.
On Monday we will invade the West Coast near the bottom bit where Arnold is the king. After bitter fighting and a spot of shopping our army will split into two wings. The South Island forces will march up the states in the direction of Portland. The North Island divisions will heap towards Florida (taking in Nevada to see a Micheal Jackson concert). In our vanguard the battlesheep will be released spreading havock and those annoying circular droppings all over your roads. Refugees will choke the highways and byways of your nation cutting off any chance of reinforcements . Finally we will swing like a farm gate and converge on Washington. I’ll stay at your parent’s house if that’s ok. There we will bring the American government to its knees!!

There is nowhere to hide Kevin. Soon you will all be speaking New Ziland Unglish!!

November 5, 2008 at 6:26 PM
Anonymous said...

Oh by the way - if the invasions of America is unsuccessful or we can't find enough seats on Air New Zealand to invade - I was wondering if you could out a good word in with Mr Obama for a Free Trade agreement?

November 5, 2008 at 6:28 PM
Kevin Kim said...

John,

I was going to write a witty reply, but I'm still busting a gut after reading the term "battlesheep."


Kevin

November 5, 2008 at 10:02 PM

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