tantrum!

People who stereotype Asians as stoic really need to see this hilarious video, which has become an instant YouTube hit. The vid depicts a woman's highly theatrical tantrum after she misses a flight.

How we express anger and frustration is largely culturally determined. Western and Asian notions of "dignity" can be, at times, almost shockingly alien to each other. A Kiwi buddy of mine, while living in Seoul, refused to engage in the Korean practice of running desperately across the street before the crosswalk signal turned red. His reasoning: "I'd rather keep my dignity." This makes perfect sense from a Western standpoint, wherein dignity might be associated with a measured, deliberate pace when walking (truth be told, the upper echelons of Korean Confucian hierarchy would probably agree with this idea; I have a hard time imagining a high-powered Korean CEO sprinting desperately across the street). But most Koreans don't worry about how they look when crossing the street; that behavior is somehow unrelated to whatever concept of dignity is in operation.

The above-linked video shows the woman rolling around on the floor-- behavior that we in the West would immediately associate with children. I think most Koreans would also giggle at this sort of behavior, but in my experience living in Seoul-- a city that attracts all types-- it's conceivable that some Seoulite will be seen doing much the same thing, or something similarly undignified from a Western standpoint.

Koreans have their own varied but largely overlapping standards for dignified behavior; they've also got their own laundry list of Western behaviors they consider undignified. Westerners will, for example, throw tantrums while in line for something at a Korean establishment-- a bank, say, or a subway station, or the Seoul Immigration Office. Koreans often turn away in embarrassment or openly stare at such behavior. The shame is worse, from the Korean perspective, if the Westerner acts this way toward a superior in the company. Misuse of the Korean language-- not knowing which grammatical endings are required in polite company, for example-- can be a source of embarrassment. Little things that Westerners do, such as drinking directly from a bottle or can while in a group, can be viewed as the sign of someone with no sense of sanitation. Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't advertised as "finger-licking good" in Korea because finger-licking isn't supposed to occur at table (or anywhere else, really): that's why God made napkins.

A good book about the ways in which we offend each other is an oldie-but-goodie by hagwon king Min Byeong Cheol (Min Byung Chul) titled Ugly Koreans, Ugly Americans. I don't know whether this tiny book is still in print, but it's a very good, very quick, and often funny look at cultural differences between Koreans and Americans. Much that Koreans find ugly will be found ugly in Japan and China and other Asian countries as well; much that Americans find ugly will be found ugly by other Westerners.

I've seen some truly embarrassing public behavior while living in Seoul, and not all of those people were drunk. I'm tempted to say that such behavior occurs in Korea with greater frequency than it does in the US, but the truth is that I don't know that for sure. As an American suburbanite, I have little basis for comparison: big cities like Seoul (and we shouldn't forget that Seoul, with its 12 million people, is huge) play host to all sorts of people, including a lot of crazies. Here in northern Virginia, we don't see as many crazies thanks to the much lower population density, but a quick trip up the road to the seedier parts of DC (and even some of the more whitewashed parts, too!) will reveal that we have our own home-grown stock of nutjobs and generally undignified folks. I've seen plenty of undignified behavior in Paris and Rome as well-- some of it from rude public servants.

While I'm not a fan of cultural relativism, I do think that complex issues, such as the wide topic of cultural differences, deserve to be approached with a measure of caution and care. The behavior of that woman in the airport might be unseemly, but in America we've got people who sue McDonald's for millions of dollars after they spill hot coffee on themselves. Which tantrum is worse?


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